Creating a Personal Commentary


Subject: A reflective look at life

Form: Personal commentary

Purpose: To state my personal view

Audience: Classmates (students)



Prewriting Steps:

Freewriting:

Hmm... things that are important to me include my health -- can't have much of a life without my health, y'know. It's not really something I think about much though... something I take for granted. My work is what's really important to me -- it defines who I am, pretty much. (Maybe too much so sometimes, in fact.) Even though I don't make the best money in the world and teaching has its own trials, I love what I do, and it's important to me to feel like what I'm doing is important. It makes me feel like I'm not just here taking up space in the world -- I'm doing something important that has an impact... makes a difference... touches people's lives. I am a facilitator and guide -- I hope!! -- for people I hope will one day far exceed anything I could do myself in the world. This is very important to me, as are my students. My students are the reason I teach. If I didn't care so much about them, I probably wouldn't be at Emily Gray, and I might not even be teaching. But there's something about these students that is so very endearing -- they give me hope. They also make me laugh and smile, and this, too, is very important to me. :)

Cluster

cluster.jpg

Gathering Chart

HOPE
TRUST

LOVE

HUMOR

encouraged about the future

I trust them to rise to the occasion & work hard

athletes, scholars, spellers, readers -- real people (duh!)

every day they make me laugh

tomorrow's leaders (Gabriel Gifford and Tim Bee were both EGJH students)

they're personal integrity & honesty is amazing

sort of surrogate children

be creative & find humor in unexpected places

smarter than me (esp math and science); problem-solvers

they are unbelievably kind and generous

share problems, concerns, fears, etc.

how to use humor in teaching (duh!)

Personal Viewpoint

  • My students teach me to have hope, trust, love, and humor.
  • EGJH students teach me that through trust, love, and a good sense of humor, I can have hope for the future.
  • From EGJH students I have learned through love, trust and laughter to have hope for the future.

Topic Sentences

  • My students never cease to amaze me; I know that I can always trust them to do their very best and always rise to the occasion.
  • It never occurred to me that I would come to love my students so much.
  • A classroom without humor is a classroom where no one wants to learn anything.
  • Most of my students will become top-notch politicians, doctors, writers, CEOs, and teachers -- the movers and shakers of their generation.


First Draft

Teaching at Emily Gray has taught me more than I ever dreamed it might. From my students I have learned through love, trust and laughter to have hope for the future.

My students never cease to amaze me; I know that I can always trust them to do their very best and always rise to the occasion. In other teaching jobs that I’ve had, students have disappointed and even hurt me – physically. I learned never to turn my back on them and assume most students cared little for school or achievement. The students I’ve known at Emily Gray have gone far to dispel that attitude I developed about this generation. They are genuinely concerned about not just their own welfare – and they take responsibility for their own actions, but they are also concerned about the welfare of the world and their fellow men. Moreover, I’ve witnessed displays of personal integrity and humility that truly amaze me. I trust them to rise to the occasion & work hard. they are unbelievably kind and generous.

It never occurred to me that I would come to love my students so much. In my second year at Emily Gray, I find that I’m sometimes dissatisfied with my job here, but never with my students. I’m so attached to my students that I don’t know if I could ever leave this school or district; sort of surrogate children. I will miss my students very much when they finish eighth grade and move on to high school, and most of them I’ll probably never see again. athletes, scholars, spellers, readers -- real people (duh!) share problems, concerns, fears, etc.

A classroom without humor is a classroom where no one wants to learn anything. Every day they make me laugh – every period, even! What could better recommend a line of work than the fact that it makes you happy? My students show me how to be creative and find humor in unexpected place, and I am continually learning ways to use humor to help promote learning and work ethics. I love to smile and laugh; I don’t know why it should come as such a surprise to me that humor is an effective teaching tool.

Most of my students will become top-notch politicians, doctors, writers, CEOs, and teachers -- the movers and shakers of their generation. I recently learned that both Gabriel Gifford and Tim Bee attended EGJH, which only affirms this idea. While I sometimes despair of for our country’s future, I am encouraged, knowing that my students will be the ones running the show in a few decades. As leaders, I believe many of them are smarter than me (especially in math and science), and I have great faith in their problem-solving abilities.

Where I never expected it, I have become a student of love, trust, laughter, and hope. My students are the best teachers in the world for this.